He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
