fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
