I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
