You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
