Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
