was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
