Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
