You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
