What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize