I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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