He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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