i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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