You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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