We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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