As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
