an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
