Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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