I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
