What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
