It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I deserve this hangover.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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