we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
