You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
