The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize