I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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