your parents love me but you hate me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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