doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
