hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
