Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
