I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
