My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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