This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
