I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
