The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
