I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
