so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
