whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
