hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
