think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
