i need an iv and a liver transplant
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
