Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
