I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
