Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
A bitchslap is in order.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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