I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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