I will die if light touches me.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
