So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Randomize
