Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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