We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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