Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
