I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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