We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
