How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
