I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
