something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
