OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
