Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
