dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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