these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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