I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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