i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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