New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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