He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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