If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
