i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize