These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
