who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
