He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
