yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
