my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
