Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
