just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize