jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
