Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
