mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
