He asked to "fluff my boner.."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Of course I have a pirate flag
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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