make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
