quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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