After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
