Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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