im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
