Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
