im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
