Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You are a genius and a whore.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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