Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize