Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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