I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
