I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
