omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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