you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
