when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
