you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just puked most of my soul out..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
