If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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