PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
