My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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