worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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