Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
