too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize