dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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