Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
