I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
