happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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