You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize