I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
